OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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