What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
