i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
