We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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