Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
