i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
