This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You pole danced in your parka.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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