Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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