right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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