Im at strip club and am horny
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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