this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
