"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
