I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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