woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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