The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
