When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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