i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
