Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
