I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
