so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
