Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
