Plan B is the new Plan A
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
