Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
