I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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