i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
