Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
