i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
