it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
