my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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