She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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