I wish i was in the wii world.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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