Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
