My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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