I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
