Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
