I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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