Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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