addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
