Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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