the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
