Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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