He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
