My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The power of my boobs compel you
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
