Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
