do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
