It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
