Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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