So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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