Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
