SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
