By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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