I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
